"I Ain't Never Been Loved Before"

Seven pairs of eyes stared at me and my clinical partner as we stood up in front of the group discussing impulse control. After a few people had filled in the "Impulse, Trigger, Feeling or Human Need, and Healthy Alternative" chart we had on the board, a soft silence filled the room as everyone had time to think of more examples. My clinical instructor finally broke the silence.

"So, [name], why do you think you act on all of these impulses you have? Why do you do all of these '-ing' things? Why are you spend-ing, us-ing, drink-ing? What is the feeling or need in your life that drives all of these things?"

The man, a bigger African American man who looked more intimidating than he sounded, thought a minute before he started speaking. He rambled for a few seconds, thinking of excuses and feelings, until finally, mid-sentence, he paused and said,

"I do all of these things, because...I've never been loved before."

The silence once again permeated the little storage room with its table and whiteboard, and all ten of us in the room looked around at each other. I could feel my heart sink, a knot rise up in my throat, and suddenly I understood as a second man -- a tiny man whose first wish after he left the homeless shelter was to afford a set of teeth - echoed the first man's thoughts,

"I ain't never been loved before neither."

My heart broke for these guys I had already grown to love from the first week leading group. They have taught me so much about what it means to be human and to need, truly need, for someone to simply notice them.

Every one of these guys is part of the "Dual Diagnosis" program at a Lexington homeless shelter, meaning that all of them 1) are homeless, 2) abuse drugs or alcohol, and 3) struggle with at least one mental illness. From their rugged exterior, that's all they have in common. But inside, they have something deeper in common, something that we all share: they just need to be loved.

It's amazing to me, in a very disheartening way, that the world can pass these guys off as some stereotype of the indispensable -- "Well, they are just going to spend the money I give them on drugs, so it's better for me to just keep on walking and ignore that they even exist." The world sees them as everything undesirable, a burden to society and a reason for indifference.

But the truth is we all have our junk. We all have our mistakes and our bad habits, and we just need to praise God that our mistakes and our bad habits haven't landed us at a homeless shelter with absolutely nothing left -- no family, no friends, no house, no job, no hope. The one word that came up last week and is common to all of these men is "hopeless." Even the word "hope" seems laughable to many of them, and yet, it's the only hope they have left and they cling to it, cling to it. When asked how many had ever thought about killing themselves, five of the seven raised their hands. When asked how many had actually tried to kill themselves in the past, only one lowered their hand. When asked how many currently had thoughts of killing themselves, only one more dropped their hand. That left three men with their hands raised. That left three men who desperately need Jesus more than anything else in the entire world. All of them do, really, we all do; but for these three men, Jesus is vital.

I tell you this to remind you of something that God has been reminding me: we don't have time to be indifferent. People are living and people are dying without Jesus. If you think this life is about you-- about getting good grades or going to grad school or finding the best paying job or keeping up with the Jones' -- you are dangerously mistaken. If you think you'll just serve God later, when you can more fully focus on Him, let me just remind you that Satan isn't waiting around. He wants nothing better than for you to sit on the couch waiting for God "to make His will clear to you." People spend their lives on that couch, thinking that God has to reveal some epiphany to them before they can be effective for His Kingdom. They use this "waiting for God" as an excuse for inaction, when in reality, God is waiting for them!

In fact, God has already revealed His purpose for you, and for each and every one of us! Check out 2 Corinthians 5:18-19. "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself through Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation." This is the ministry for all of us: to share with others that God wants to bring every single one of them close to Himself through Christ! He wants us to spread hope.

Within the Church, we have a "ministry" for everything -- the "children's ministry," the "adult ministry," the "homebound ministry," the "homeless ministry," the "disabilities ministry." I am not picking at these names, because the teams need names and those are as good names as any. I am, however, saying that all too often, we think we have to be a part of a labeled "ministry" or else we are ineffectively serving the Kingdom. But God says it's simpler than that! Every single moment of every single day is assigned to us for the ministry of reconciliation, of spreading God's love with every single person we meet. We can call it the "reconciliation ministry" if you would prefer, but whatever it's called, that is your purpose.

That was your purpose yesterday, that is your purpose today, and that will be your purpose for every new moment you receive from God. Please don't miss out on that.

My precious homeless guys depend on it.