In some ways I can’t believe it’s been two years since our wedding day. In others, I can’t believe we haven’t been married forever. Marriage is a funny thing. It’s both terribly exciting and wonderfully ordinary, defying concrete explanation and seemingly even the law of time.
Marriage is beautiful. It is specially ordained by God to make us holy and selfless and full of grace. It is the moment of watching his slow breathing and messy hair in the low light of early morning, taking in the peacefulness and security of his presence, smiling because I alone get to wake up to him who loves me so well.
Marriage is messy. It is specially ordained by God to make us holy and selfless and full of grace. For the very same reason it is so beautiful, it is also messy. It is the argument that comes out of nowhere, the shame in having your partner know so much about you he knows why you are angry before you do, knows you are irrationally angry from some unmet self-expectation or some feeling of self-failure. It’s not him, it’s me, it’s marriage bringing out the selfishness that can only be cured by his grace in those moments.
Marriage is an adventure. It is exploring not just the world together, but each other’s hearts and minds and souls and bodies. It is strangely terrifying but overwhelmingly exhilarating to know and be known to the deepest level of your being. It is pursuing dreams together, traveling the world together (with plans to carry only a small backpack…but I think he knows me too well for that).
Marriage is familiar. It is the grocery, the kitchen, the laundry. It is doing the things no one likes to do but must. It is the finding of stray socks, the cooking of cheap pasta, the picking up of his dirty clothes always three feet shy of the laundry basket. It is the mundane, but it is the mundane together.
Marriage is fun. It is midnight ice cream runs and double dates and Netflix marathons of Friends. It is standing on the furniture and belting out Broadway songs because he knows it was my long-lost forever-lost dream. It is making funny faces and funny voices that no one but us would find attractive. It is laughter and nakedness and off-key singing, for no other reason than because we can.
Marriage is work. It is keeping a level voice when your gut tells you to scream. It is repeating yourself (again) instead of a sarcastic retort. It is saying no to your schedule so that you can say yes to his needs. It is him pursuing me when I’m frustrated, him holding me when I’m down, him going downstairs in the middle of the night to make sure the strange noises aren’t related to the bad guys trying to steal the intersect (Chuck, anyone?).
Marriage is bold and passionate. It is pursuing the hard things, standing up to injustice together. It is signing adoption paperwork when it might be easier to raise the ones that look like us. It is never giving up on each other, or on the things God has made us passionate about. It is speaking out for orphans, giving until it hurts, and trusting God in the darkness.
Marriage is quiet and persistent. It is consistency. It is making a Dave Ramsey budget and sticking to it. It is taking a walk when Netflix would be preferable. It is forgiving when you don’t feel like it. It is backing down when you want to fight and speaking up when you want to retreat. It is choosing daily to love in the little things.
Marriage is Satan’s battleground. He prowls, he sets up, he waits for you to wake up grumpy just to make it worse. He lurks in the shadows but he cannot defeat. He cannot win against the vows hanging on the wall, the prayers said over the weaknesses, the laughs and hugs and bedsheets.
Because marriage is God’s handiwork. Husband becomes the most handsome man in the whole world. Wife becomes the most beautiful woman. Husband becomes the strongest and the bravest. Wife becomes the gentlest and kindest of them all. Husband becomes the standard by which all men must live up. So does wife. That’s God. That’s seeing my spouse as God’s one and only for me. That’s the lens by which he sees me despite the world’s indecisive definitions of perfection.
Marriage is incredible. It is beautiful and messy, adventure and ordinary, fun and work, bold and quiet, passionate and persistent. It is a battleground, but it is where the Kingdom finds traction. It is where passion meets accountability, where grace becomes tangible, where love has a name and a face and a goal. It is where two imperfect people strive for holiness together.
It is our home here in Wilmore, our future wherever that may be. It is our every-day-right-here life, our days and dreams that are to come. It is two years and one month as husband and wife. It is his handsome face and strong arms and selfless constant love for me. It is marriage.
{All photos were taken by the incredible Hannah Whelchel and are property of Hannah Elisabeth Photography.}
